Hey, lady out walking your dog. What’s your dog’s name? WAIT, DON’T TELL ME! I’m really good at guessing these types of things. OK, let’s see. You’re barefoot, which means you’re a free spirit. So conventional pet names are out of the question.
Also, holy shit, that cut on your heel looks bad. I mean like infected bad. I don’t know what you stepped on, but it probably wouldn’t have cut your heel if you’d been wearing shoes.
You should get that checked out, because if it’s MRSA, you could end up losing your foot…or the entire leg. MRSA is serious business. I knew a woman named Gabby who got MRSA on her inner thigh and it spread so fast they had to amputate her vagina. After that I’m told she had to pee out of her hip.
“First of all, it’s about fucking time you ask me to do one of these god damn ‘behind the tweet’ things. OK, now let’s talk about this amazing tweet. I have mental issues and one thing that I’m obsessed with / scared of is shitting my pants. ‘Steve, are you really obsessed with shitting your…